Crisis

Today we discussed coping mechanisms. I find this very beneficial because we need to find strategies for crisis that come into our lives.  Trials will always be there for us, it is when we take perspective and learn how to cope with trouble that we find JOY.  We discussed these types of coping mechanisms that are habits and have a negative connotation:

Denial: declaring something to be untrue
Avoidance: keep away from problem
Scapegoating: blaming others for wrongdoing, mistakes, or faults of others

I find that I am an avoider. Within my relationships and within my family I find that there are uncomfortable things to talk about and instead of talking or addressing my concerns and thoughts, I avoid the situation. I'm going to have to address crisis. I am a thinker. I think, think, think.  I find solutions in my head.  Do I act upon it? No.

Can we plan to cope ahead? Yes, that is ideal. This is relevant to me and my family now. My parents and I are expecting a crisis this Thanksgiving break, we plan to tell the "little girls" about our family system. It breaks my heart because everyone is going to be hurting. I've been praying that we will have strength. I pray that the girls will be strong.  I pray that Mom and Dad will be faithful.  I am preparing for this family crisis.  Am I going to be an avoider? No.  Am I in denial? No. I am sad. Do I blame God? No.  I have been prepared and rely on the strength of the Lord, he has prepared me to cope.

Intimacy

Week seven:

I never thought of intimacy as being emotional.  I find that I have relationships with people, but have not realized the emotional attachment that I have to them. For me an emotional attachment does not have a negative connotation. To me it means trust, personal, intimate, friendship, and love.  It can become negative if it is used incorrectly with members of the opposite sex, within a marriage.

An emotional attachment is created when we share something deep with someone we create an emotional intimacy with them.  Sometimes people create a misattribution.  I feel something but, I attribute it to the wrong thing.  I thought this attachment theory was fascinating! It is true and it helped me realized my relationship with others and how to strengthen them or create better boundaries.

Who's responsible?

For week six we talked about Transitions in Marriage.  This is important to talk about and understand because two people come from habitual single lives, and then step straight into marriage and have new expectations of themselves and expectations of their new spouse. This is when I find communication to be extremely important.  

Within a new marriage there will be conflicts.  Is it easy to say fight fair? Or, is it about communication and honesty? I believe that there is no such thing as compromising.  I think that conflict is a time when both adults need to step back, breath, talk, and pray.  In a marriage you will have to give up and sacrifice certain pleasures for your spouse.  The 50/50 theory doesn't work in a marriage.  If it did, life would be unproductive.  Isn't it wonderful that in a marriage we have two experts in a certain area, we teach, and work together.  

It is time to establish your own marital system, away from your family of origin.  Start marriage off in an active way rather than in a reactive way. 

Oops! I made a mistake.

I made a minor mistake. I have attended classes, enjoyed class, and have taken great notes, I just forgot to blog about them.  For week five:

In class we talked about Love.  There are four different types of love: Eros, Agape, Storge, and Philia.

Eros: romance, passion, and sexual arousal
Agape: is "Christian love", where one is able to act on behalf of one's feelings.
Storge: is a parent-child love
Philia: is brotherly love, or friendship love

What is more important in a relationship? I believe that all of these types of love are essential in a relationship. Maybe some more than others depending on the person.  For me in a a relationship, I would want me and my spouse to be friends able to laugh and communicate(philia), to serve one-another give up our needs for each other (agape), and to have romance (eros). I feel that all of these types of love combined you create a quality relationship.

As a young single adult I am preparing for marriage, for commitment, for a wholesome relationship. I need to look for a man that I have a physical attraction to, similar hobbies, same religious beliefs, and values.  Brother Williams said, "If he doesn't have enough leadership to go on a date, he doesn't have enough leadership in the home." Wow.